Hard Things....Trigger warning..Pregnancy loss, maternal mortality, trauma

Many years ago, when I first became a doula, I naively mentioned to a few L&D nurses what a rewarding job they had. I couldn’t think of a better job than watching birth every day. Imagine my confusion when a few nurses replied less enthusiastically and mentioned it’s not always easy.

A few days ago I looked at a nurse and said, “You guys see hard things.” Standing there in a room, we were watching heartbreak unfold for a couple knowing there was nothing left to do medically. All efforts had failed. It was inevitable. A perfectly formed 20 week and 5 day old baby would enter the world, and because of its gestational age, it would not survive.

There was too much familiarity surrounding this event. Several years prior I was standing with the same couple in a different hospital room watching in dismay as a similar event unfolded. It was my first time to witness the hard things.

As I stood helpless, watching the tragedy happen yet again for this couple, I was constantly aware that less than a year ago, I had stood in the same hospital (we were currently in), but in the room adjacent to this one and had watched an uncomplicated birth, the baby born whole and healthy. Fifteen minutes later, everything changed. I stood by the husband not knowing what to do or say. His wife was unresponsive. It wasn’t looking good.

She didn’t survive.
I didn’t know if I could ever walk into a birth again.
A few days after, a sweet OB reached out to me letting me know she was there if I needed to talk or process. I asked her how does anyone return to work or to a birth after witnessing a tragedy. She replied that you just do. You go back in and what’s familiar will come back. You just go back in. I had a moment a few days ago where the thought crossed my mind that maybe I should be done. Stop attending births. As if my attendance changes anything else but my own comfort.

No, I won’t stop. That’s not what we as birth workers do, or as parents, or friends, or spouses, or partners, or humans. We continue showing up in good times and bad, to support, laugh, cry, or whatever response the situation warrants. We will be there to bear witness to the miracles and to the heartbreak, and we will stand there hoping our meager efforts offer some kind of peace or comfort during the moment, all the while knowing our pain is miniscule compared to the anguish of those we support. We just go back in... and sometimes there will be hard things.

Bobbie, our most experienced doula!

Bobbie is our most experienced doula and one of the owners of GCS! Continue reading to get to know her better.

What is your favorite part of being a doula?

It’s so hard to name just one thing. Watching the miracle of life unfold before my eyes is something I could never really tire of, but if I’m honest, I really, really, really love the relationships and getting to know my clients! I am continually amazed at these women and their partners and their strength and resilience in labor. I usually leave the hospital with a smile on my face knowing the sweet baby freshly born in this world is in the loving, capable and caring arms of his/her parents. It gives me perspective that although we see so much negativity and ugliness in the world on a day to day basis, there is so much good that may not be so visible. There are children being raised in wonderful homes with incredible parents and that gives me hope for the future of my own children and their generation. There is still a lot of good in this world.

Why did you become a doula?

I just wanted to help! I wanted to give information and serve women and families during this beautiful, life-changing time in their lives. It was so hard to sit on the sidelines when my friends were giving birth and not serve them. I realized my passion to serve and minister to women was a calling and being a doula was one way the Lord could use me to serve families.

What is something you wish you could tell your clients that you don’t ever feel like you can say to them in person?

There are two things.

1. I don’t care how you choose to give birth. (Did I really just say that!?!) I only care how you feel about your experience. I have many clients who hire me knowing they want an epidural. Their goal is to be informed throughout the process and to make educated decisions along the way. I love their births just as much as an unmedicated birth. I also have clients who make a little more noise or cuss and are very vocal about their thoughts and feelings during their birth. I love their births and respect them just as much as I respect the calm, quiet, and collected mom. My hope for each birth is for the women to look back and feel good about their decisions and the way they chose to give birth, and I believe that my clients should have unique experiences.

2. This is very hard for me to say because it’s hard to understand unless you have witnessed or know someone who has experienced it. The birth of your child is a very precious gift that should be protected by having the most supportive care provider. The experience should not be gambled based on your relationship or hopes to educate them. I’ve supported many women who are with a care provider they have always loved and respected, but is not necessarily supportive of the way they want to birth. The woman stays with the care provider because of the established relationship or wants to influence the care provider in a positive way about low intervention birth. Oftentimes, the client regrets it after the birth when the care provider’s opinions and common practices interfere with the way the woman hopes to give birth. A normally strong person can become very vulnerable during labor because of all that labor requires, and may not be able to speak up for her true desires when confronted during the process. In these cases, I sometimes wonder if the birth experience would have looked different with another care provider.

What are your hobbies?

When I have time, I really love sewing and any kind of painting and crafting. I have also recently started running.

How many children and ages?

Caroline 10

Abram 6

Haddie 4

Marlee 2

How long have you been married?

12 years

What is your favorite time of year?

Fall…I love watching the leaves change colors, the cool air, football on Saturdays and baking anything pumpkin flavored!

What is your favorite book? Movie?

Pride and Prejudice for both! Favorite version of P and P is the long A&E one

What is the longest you have ever gone without sleep?

It’s a tossup between the birth of my firstborn and a birth I attended last year. With my firstborn,I was awake from early Friday morning until just before midnight Sunday night. I attended a birth last year that lasted longer than my own first birth, however, I took a 1-2 hour nap twice over the course of several days and nights.

How many births have you attended?

Just over 100 births!!

Check out her bio to read more about Bobbie.

http://www.gentlechildbirth.org/bobbie-moore

Introducing Chelsea!

GCS is very excited to announce that Chelsea Stephens has joined our team! Her passion for all things birth is evident and her desire to serve and bless the women who hire her is impossible to miss!

What is your favorite part of being a doula?

“My favorite part of being a doula is being able to labor with the mother, encourage her and support a gentle birth.”

Why did you become a doula?

“I loved being pregnant and giving birth but not as much as I love being a mom. I want to serve and support others as they enter motherhood.”

What is something you wish you could tell your clients that you don’t ever feel like you can say to them in person?

The first year of your baby’s life is such a precious time and happens so fast. They completely change into little walking people in just one year. Be as present as possible. Take as much time off as you can to be with them, or work from home as much as possible.

What are your hobbies?

“I absolutely love swimming. Especially in the ocean, surfing and playing in the waves with family is my absolute favorite thing.

I love juicing and eating healthy as well as gardening!”

How many children do you have and what are their ages?

“I have 2 beautiful girls, 2 years old and 7 months old. They fill my life with joy and purpose and are full of energy!”

If you could be an animal, what would you be and why?

“Haha how fun! I’d be a dolphin! They surf waves just for the fun of it. They are trustworthy and playful.”

What is your favorite time of year?

“Summer!!!!! I love the heat and being outside.”

What is one thing on your bucket list?

“To live in another country for some part of my life as well as becoming a midwife.”

What is your favorite book? movie?

“I love to read and my favorite book of all time is “Redeeming Love” by Francine Rivers. My favorite movies are “Cinderella,” “Amazing Grace” and “Pride and Prejudice”

What is the longest you have ever gone without sleep?

“48 hours for the birth of my first daughter”

How many births have you attended?

“I have had the privilege of attending 4 births and I am in love, I want to do this for the rest of my life.”

If you want to read more about Chelsea, check out her bio: http://www.gentlechildbirth.org/chelsea-stephens

Meet Amanda, Doula and NEW Placenta Encapsulator!

After months of waiting, we are so excited Amanda stepped up to be our new placenta encapsulator. We are proud of the support she has provided to moms as a labor doula and couldn’t be happier to have her represent GCS in another capacity.

What is your favorite part of being a doula?

Honestly, I love being a part of the planning process. I enjoy seeing how individualized each Momma is and how every birth is different. It’s so humbling to watch the journey unfold and every birth story come to life. On the downside, I always have baby fever! 🤣

Why did you become a doula?

After using a doula for the birth of my daughter, I immediately knew I wanted to be a part of something bigger within the birthing world. I felt a calling to serve women. I wanted to be front row, helping women achieve the birth they desired, just as I had received. 

What is something you wish you could tell your clients that you don’t ever feel like you can say to them in person?

Don’t stress too much over your birth.  Because birth is unpredictable, sometimes we are dealt a hand we didn’t anticipate and have to make choices we didn’t expect to make. At times an epidural or cesarean are the choices that need to made given the circumstances. Does it stink to be in that situation? Absolutely! But I promise you that no matter what happens, you conquered YOUR birth and made the best decisions you could at the time.  My prayer for clients in situations like that is for healing and restoration for them.

What are your hobbies?

Cooking is a huge passion of mine. I love testing out new recipes and cooking for others. Also, I love crafting and doing DIY projects throughout my house. 

How many children do you have and what are their ages?

I have two children. Scarlett, who is 3.5 years old, strong willed, full of energy, and has the sweetest servant’s heart. And Collier, who is 1 year old, fearless, adventurous, and the biggest Momma’s boy there is. 

How long have you been married?

My husband and I have been married for 6 years. Although, we have known each other since high school, we lost touch, and came back into each other’s lives about 8 years ago. 

What is your favorite time of year?

FALL! It’s not too hot and not too cold. It’s such a fun season with so many holidays and activities to do as a family. 

What is one thing on your bucket list?

At the top of my list is a trip to Ireland or Greece. It’s such a dream to go to a place so beautiful and with so much history! 

What is the longest you have ever gone without sleep? 

I would say probably close to 48 hours! Between being a Momma, a doula, and nursing school, it’s not uncommon 😝 

How many births have you attended?

I have attended 12+ births. Every birth I have attended has been so unique. They have all taught me so much. 

To read more about Amanda, click here:

http://www.gentlechildbirth.org/amanda-grantham/

Introducing Sara!

GCS is thrilled to have a new doula on our team!  Keep reading to get to know her a little better! 

What is your favorite part of being a doula?

           Being present when someone achieves their goal, and witnessing their joy in their accomplishment.  I also enjoy watching women become mothers during the postpartum period, and supporting them through that transition.

What is something you wish you could tell your clients that you don’t ever feel like you can say to them in person?

           Don’t be afraid to offend X, it’s your birth!  Also, in America, we also see pregnancy and birth as a time of challenge to relationships with our partner; however, it can be a time of immense growth and renewal.

What is a not-as-promoted service that doulas offer?

            Not only do we aid you in preparing for the physical aspects of the birthing process,   but we also assist you in preparing psychologically, spiritually, and socially-- from choosing the items needed to take to the hospital, to working through past traumas, to relating to other family members, and adjusting to the thought of caring for a newborn. Pregnancy is a time to preparing for the blessing of motherhood, and all of the responsibilities that entails, and that can be overwhelming for all of us, whether it is our first or fifth pregnancy.

What are your hobbies?

            Gardening, taking the road less traveled while exploring a new destination, cooking, home renovation, and architectural design.  One of my close friends is also a coffee roaster, my current drink of choice is between an americano, or a new cool drink she has which includes mixing espresso with a topo chico.

How many children do you have and what are their ages?

7 yo son

How long have you been married?

I’ve been married 8 years.

What is your favorite book?  Movie?

I definitely love a good documentary and travel shows.

What is the longest you have ever gone without sleep?

55 hours. ( not as a doula)

How many births have you attended?

Over 200

To see more about Sara, click here:

http://www.gentlechildbirth.org/sara-cnm-doula/